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Ha HA Ha so I thought it was a great site
Bad news for me good news for them the minute they saw how the site would make them money they up and raise the price on the registration and not to mention the fact that they screw up and we have to pay. Sorry Paul Birdsall. I will definately not promote your site again. Your empty promise to us about only having to pay just under $10 was a lie you screwed up and now you want us to pay an extra 30 bucks every month. I think from now on I will promote your inexperience and try to save the people some cash they do'nt deserve to lose

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I have just been so pleased. I really have changed the entire way myself and my husband eats. I have lost 40 lbs and my husband has lost 60 lbs by incorporating ideas and cooking tips from the book into our lifestyle. A box of sugar-free chocolate fudgecicles lasts us over 2 weeks in the house now because we just do not feel the need to constantly be snacking. I wish I had taken before pictures of us but I just didn't believe the change would be so drastic! We have truly changed our eating habits for life and we will both be able to become Police Officers as we hoped thanks to our new physical abilities due to the weight loss and exercise. We were quite worried that we would never be able to reach the standards Police Dept set for physical testing, now we are ready to go!! Thanks so much for your book, it is wonderful.--Jeannine Sander
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When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him, And during her questions about his life , she asked him how he had sex?'Tarzan not know sex' he replied.Jane explained to him what sex was.Tarzan said 'Oh,....Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.'Horrified Jane said, ' Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.'She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.'Here' she said,pointing to her privates, 'you must put it in here.'Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch !Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.Eventually she managed to grasp for air and screamed ' What did you do that for ?'Tarzan replied, 'Check for squirrel.'

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A little girl named Tess went to her bedroom and pulled a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet.
She poured the change out on the floor and counted it carefully. Three times, even The total had to be exactly perfect. No chance here for mistakes.
Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door.
She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise. Nothing. She cleared her throat with the most disgusting sound she could muster. No good. Finally she took a quarter from her jar and banged it on the glass counter. That did it!
'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked in an annoyed tone of voice. I'm talking to my brother from Chicago whom I haven't seen in ages,' he said without waiting for a reply to his question.
'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,' Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone. 'He's really, really sick...and I want to buy a miracle.'
'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist.
'His name is Andrew and he has something bad growing inside his head and my Daddy says only a miracle can save him now. So how much does a miracle cost?'
'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. I'm sorry but I can't help you,' the pharmacist said, softening a little.
'Listen, I have the money to pay for it. If it isn't enough, I will get the rest. Just tell me how much it costs.'
The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man. He stooped down and asked the little girl, 'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?'
' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up. I just know he's really sick and Mommy says he needs an operation. But my Daddy can't pay for it, so I want to use my money.'
'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago
'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audibly.
'And it's all the money I have, but I can get some more if I need to.'
'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man. 'A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a miracle for little brothers. '
He took her money in one hand and with the other hand he grasped her mitten and said 'Take me to where you live. I want to see your brother and meet your parents. Let's see if I have the miracle you need.'
That well dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong, a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery. The operation was completed free of charge and it wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well.
Mom and Dad were happily talking about the chain of events that had led them to this place.
'That surgery,' her Mom whispered. 'was a real miracle. I wonder how much it would have cost?'
Tess smiled. She knew exactly how much a miracle cost..one dollar and eleven cents....plus the faith of a little child.

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I think this is worth storing in your cell phone - with a small effort from each of us we can make a big dent in corruption!The number is 0800 203 712 I had the honour of being stopped by SAP in a "roadblock" yesterday afternoon on the R562 traveling from Noordwyk towards Blue Hills just before the R55 intersection. My car license disc had expired but I had my new one as I had just been to the licensing department to renew it.I wasn't given an opportunity to show it but was asked for "coldrink" money by the policeman concerned.I declined to assist him and called the Anti Corruption Hotline. His colleagues decided to get involved and with much shouting, finger pointing and gesticulating at me told me just to go. I refused to be intimidated despite their best efforts and explained that I was waiting for the Anti Corruption Unit who had promised to send a car immediately. I noted that none of the people doing the stopping carried any form of paperwork so I am not sure how they would have actually issued the fine they used as their bargaining tool.In the 20 minutes I was parked on the side of the road they did not stop any other vehicles. When I was first stopped there was a car per person. None of them (6 in total on my side of the road) were wearing their name badges.They realised I was not going anywhere and so decided to pack up their little scam and move to pastures green. When the Anti Corruption Unit contacted me I provided them with the license plate number of their marked minibus and have been given the investigating officers details and promised that I would be given feedback. The Anti Corruption Unit were great and the call centre did call me back with progress on where their response vehicle was, etc.My mother experienced a similar situation outside Leeukop Prison the day before, again with SAP and not Metro. When she refused to pay the coldrink money and asked to be given the promised R700 fine she was just waved off.If everybody keeps the Anti Corruption number handy and reports any similar incidents we can collectively help stamp out this practice.*The number is 0800 203 712*.

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Why coloureds can't be terrorists: by MARK LOTTERING

- Ons is altyd laat. We would have missed all 4 flights. - We talk loud and would bring attention to ourselves. - Met free kos en cooldrink oppie plane, we'll sommer forget why we're there. - We praat with our hands, so we'll continually be putting the weapons down. - We would ALL want to fly the freaking plane, ending in a fight with each other. - We'll sommer argue and start a fight in the terminal before we even get on the plane & one of us is bound to say out loud: 'Gaan kak man! Dan hijack jy die fokken plane alleen jou naai!!'
- Ons kannie 'n secret hou nie. We would have told everyone a week before doing it, telling them: 'Moet vir niemand se nie, ho!'
- We would have insisted that the plane fly past Strandfontein Pavillion. - We would have all lined up to get our photograph taken by one of the hostages. - When we enter the cockpit, we would have used the intercom system for a karaoke session, with one poes trying to sing 'I did it my way'. - We would first rob every one of their Ray-Bans, cellphones and gold teeth, just before we crash the plane..
- Our whole freaking family plus neighbors would have been at the airport to see us off, crying their eyes out, and your mother saying to the white ou next to her: 'I'm so proud of him. It's the first time he's hijacking a plane!' - We would have dressed like terrorists for our airport go-way clothes: balaclavas, jumpsuits, karate skoentjies, dark glasses, en 'n attitude. - Two of us would have forgotten our passports at home.. - Three of us would have overweight luggage. - All of us would have luggage. - We would have all wanted to watch the in-flight movie first. - Before we went into action, we would have all queued up at the toilet to first gel our hair. - We would have taken the plane for a joyride first, played the music at full blast and try to park the plane somewhere where the chicks could see us....
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As I come home of Monday night drunk as drunk could be I saw a horse outside me door where my old horse should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse should be? AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely work horse that me mother did send to me Now its many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but a work horse with a saddle sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily iddle dum. As I come home of a tuesday night drunk as drunk could be I see a coat behind the dorr where my old coat should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat should be? AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely wool blanket that me mother sent to me now its many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but a blanket with buttons sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum As I come home of a wednesday night drunk as drunk could be I see a pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly explain to me who owns that pipe upon the chair where my old pipe should be. AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely tin whistle me mother sent to me Now theres many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but a tin whistle with tobacco sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum As I come home of a thursday night drunk as drunk could be I saw two boots under the bed where my old boots should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who owns those boots under the bed where my old boots should be? AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only two geranium pots me mother sent to me Now theres many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but geranium pots with laces sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum as I come home of a friday night drunk as drunk could be I see a head upon the bed where this old head should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who owns that head upon the bed where my old head should be? AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely baby boy me mother sent to me Now theres many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but a baby boy with whiskers sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum As I come home on a Saturday night drunk as drunk could be I spy an arse up in the air where this old arse should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who owns that arse up in the air where this old arse should be AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely football me mother sent to me Now theres many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but a football with a crack sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum as I come home on a sunday night drunk as drunk could be I spy a man atop the wife where this old man should be so I calls me wife and I says to her could you kindly tell to me who is that man atop ye wife where this old man should be? AHH you're drunk you're drunk you crazy old fool you're blind and cannot see tis only a lovely soldier that the goverment sent to me Now theres many a times I travelled a hundred miles or more but an englishmen with a pair of balls sure never did see before oh tiddily idle idle idle tiddily idle dum Thanks to Audrey for these lyrics
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Seven Drunken Nights Lyrics Lyrics by Irish Music are the property of the respective authors, artists and labels, Seven Drunken Nights Lyrics Lyrics by Irish Music are provided for educational purposes only , If you like the song, please buy relative CD.

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40 Yrs Later: The 7 Children In 'The Sound of Music''The Sound of Music' won the Academy Award for Best Picture of 1965 and is one of the most popular musicals ever produced.
Remember the 7 children of theVonTrapp family?

They were having a reunion after 40 yearsand all were looking healthy and amazingly well...



NOW CURRENTLY...
It wouldn't be funny if it weren't so true... Julie Andrews turned 69 and to commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favourite Things" from the legendary movie "The Sound Of Music."
Here are the actual lyrics she used:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,Bundles of magazines tied up in string,These are a few of my favourite things.Cadillac's and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,These are a few of my favourite things..When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,When the knees go bad,I simply remember my favourite things,And then I don't feel so bad.Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,These are a few of my favourite things.Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',And we won't mention our short, shrunken frames,When we remember our favourite things.When the joints ache, When the hips break,When the eyes grow dim,Then I remember the great life I've had,And then I don't feel so bad.
Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.
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ONE FOR THE OLD DIGGERS RETIREMENT BONUS (If this doesn't make you laugh, you are truly humor impaired!)
The American Navy found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a noncommissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, 'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Chief to 'drop 'em,' which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. 'Dear Lord!' he suddenly exclaimed, 'Where are your testicles?'
The old Chief calmly replied, ' Vietnam ' .



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Two Irishmen walk into a pet shop in Dingle, they walk over to the bird section and Gerry says to Paddy, 'Dat's dem.' The owner comes over and asks if he can help them. 'Yeah, we'll take four of dem dere little budgies in dat cage up dere,' says Gerry. The owner puts the budgies in a cardboard box. Paddy and Gerry pay for the birds, leave the shop and get into Gerry's truck to drive to the top of the Connor Pass. At the Connor Pass , Gerry looks down at the 1000 foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes two birds out of the box, puts one on each shoulder and jumps off the cliff. Paddy watches as the budgies fly off and Gerry falls all the way to the bottom, killing himself stone dead. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Paddy shakes his head and says, 'Fook dat. Dis budgie jumping is too fook'n dangerous for me!' THERE'S MORE... Moment's later; Seamus arrives up at ConnorPass. He's been to the pet shop too and walks up to the edge of the cliff carrying another cardboard box in one hand and a shotgun in the other. 'Hi, Paddy, watch dis,' Seamus says. He takes a parrot from the box and lets him fly free. He then throws himself over the edge of the cliff with the gun. Paddy watches as half way down, Seamus takes the gun and shoots the parrot. Seamus continues to plummet down and down until he hits the bottom and breaks every bone in his body. Paddy shakes his head and says, 'And I'm never trying dat parrotshooting either!' IT IS NOT OVER YET... Paddy is just getting over the shock of losing two friends when Sean appears. He's also been to the pet shop and is carrying a cardboard box out of which he pulls a chicken. Sean then takes the chicken by its legs and hurls himself off the cliff and disappears down and down until he hits a rock and breaks his spine. Once more Paddy shakes his head. 'Fook dat, lads. First dere was Gerry with his budgie jumping, den Seamus parrotshooting... And now Sean and his fook'n hengliding!'

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